Thick Skulled

Log Info

• Title: Thick Skulled
• Emitter: Skielstregar
• Characters: Skielstregar, Vaera
• Place: Outside Mictlan
• Time: December 21st, 2021
• Summary: Skielstregar is kind of a thick skulled idiot.

Outside Mictlan, Camp, Dusk.

The snow has been unrelenting as of late, especially during the deepening twilight. Such weather was a detriment to most, but a boon to a scant few.

Once such reveling in the chill is a bronze scale in a brown tunic and a two toned cloak, him returning from stepping away for a moment with a bundle of firewood to add to the crackling and steaming campfire. Much work had gone on in this camp, mostly overhangs to shelter from the inches and feet of snow and rain. He shakes himself off, ridding the snow with a huff. "Here is more," Skiel rumbles in his mother tongue, kneeling down to carefully add the logs to the flame.

Vaera was, not nearly as suited to the snow as Skielstregar was. Her coat was worn now, evenin mictlan, and now accompanied by a large fur lined cloak that covered even more, and kept out the chill. And the camp outside of mictlan needed more work to be kept in shape.

It was a good thing Skielstregar's hobby was gathering firewood. keeping the fires going took a lot, even kept out of the snow as it was under one of the shelters. Vaera was bundled up near to it, and she nods at the added fuel.

"That should last a bit longer, yes." She chuffs. "Thank you for gathering more, it is much easier for you to go out in this weather, it seems."

"It's always a pleasure to help you. And besides, this one enjoys the snow greatly!" Skiel chuckle-rumbles, flashing a sith-smile towards her. The decay was light, and one could feel the contentness coming from him. The man sits down next to the redscale, him watching the fire, it reflected in dead silver eyes.

There is a long moment of him saying nothing for the time, until a hint of perplexion crosses his frame. "Vaera, this... one seeks your wisdom," he speaks quietly, the snow falling around them from trees muting nearly all the forest life.

"Yes, you do enjoy the snow, I am sure it is quite pleasant for one of silver blood." Vaera chuckles, moving closer to the fires. "As for myself, I feel like too much at any one time can sap my energy. I am glad that the testing for making sure my leg would continue to function in the snow proved to work."

The red makari smiles back, and the silence falls, with a perplexion that does not go unnoticed. "I have wisdom to share, if it is relevant, yes. What is on your mind then, Skielstregar?" She asks, raising one brow in the process.

Skielstregar traces idle, aimless patterns in the dirt beside him. "At least you have your wooden one if that one cannot handle the cold."

A sigh leaves him, absent of visible breath as it was too cold to see it. "It.... concerns Tawyse."

The perplexion grows to embarrassment. A heavy sigh leaves him. "... the softskin has... taken a liking to this one. And not in a friends sort of way. This one is unsure of how to feel about this, despite stating how... they do not desire any sort of relations at the present moment."

He grows more embarrased as he speaks, eventually placing a hand across his snout and groaning.

"Tawyse, the gnome, yes?" Vaera asks, before she lets him continue on with his story. The redscale was silent, and as impossible to read as she often was. There was a look to Skielstregar, and she nods slowly. "I would say I can not blame her." She states after he finishes, then she sighs. "It sounds like you are not so certain about what you speak as you thought you were. Much like myself. But, you ahve your concerns, yes?"

"They are very small. But this does not bother you, nor should it. It is probably easier to seek out those that are not kin, in your case."

Skielstregar listens carefully, his eyes closing as he parses Vaera's wisdom like so many times before. The redscale he held in high regard. If she told him to jump, he'd ask how high. His brows knit some as he rests his chin in steepled hands. "They are small, but it doesn't bother this one. And you would be correct, kin is... a risk."

"Perhaps this one has grown confident enough to not worry about such things anymore, hence their uncertainty."

He reflects for a moment. Then, cracks an eye open, settling right on Vaera. "... what is it that you mean that you cannot blame her?" he asks, a brow raising.

Vaera sighs again when he acknowledges the risk. "You have grown much in a short time, to have this confidence. Confidence this one feels is not unfounded, either." She replies. At the question, she looked to Skielstregar, cants her head, then chuckles. "I mean what I say. I can not blame her for harboring feelings for you." The redscale continues, turning back to the fire. "But do not worry about it Skielstregar."

Skiel picks up a half burnt stick in the fire to poke at it, shoving charcoals around idly. "Well, this one had to shape up or lose what little friends he had, and be consumed by this affliction."

The redscale shares words, and his prodding slows. He wasn't the brightest man, perhaps incredibly thick skulled to boot. But recent events has him reading between the lines more often.

His head turns some towards Vaera, gaze settling on her. "... Vaera?" he rumbles. A question, prodding the deflected topic.

Vaera pauses, looks to Skielstregar, and chuffs. "Yes, Skielstregar?" She asks while her attention is on him. "I agree, that you should keep improving, so you may have other friends and relationships as you wish."

"Tawyse seems like a pleasant and kind druid. I should have thought something with how she was bringing you so many gifts."

Skielstregar blinks at the redscale owlishly. "... this one thought she was just... being... ki... nd...." his voice trails off.

He lifts a hand to the silver chain on his neck. Then to the band on his tail. One could see the dots connecting in the half-dead man's brain.

...

His eyes widen slightly. "... Vaera..? This one cannot help but feel... um..."

His talons clank together, his hands fidgeting. "... this one feels as if you are projecting," he says in a quiet voice. All air, no rumble.

Vaera blinks. She smiles, and shakes her head. "No, I am not projecting, Skielstregar. I am saying that, as I should have been able to sort out how they felt about you sooner. And, the gifts, while they do look nice on you, it was not my intent to try and get across my feelings with them." She replies, reaching to pat him on a shoulder. "This one, has feelings for you, yes, but they never were acknowledged. This one chose to respect that, and your wishes and feelings."

The pat on the shoulder must have been the push to connect the final dot within the bronzescale's thick skull.

Skielstregar's eyes film over. "... V...Vaera..."

He stares at her for the longest time before his head falls to bury itself into his hands. "... this one didn't know... this one just thought we were... were just friends. How... how must this one have tortured you so," he quietly mumbles. "Being so close yet so far away. The thought never even crossed this one's mind that you'd..."

Vaera sighs, and gently pats the shoulder again once before it pulls away. "It was, it was alright, Skielstregar." The redscale chuffs, pulling her cloak a bit tighter around her. "This one knows how close contact with kin could be a challenge, so was understanding of that. Being friends was fine, with that in mind."

"And, as this one said, you never really seemed to react to my presence in such a way. Happy to see me, yes, but never anything more." She continues, turning her gaze back to the fire. "I was accepting of that fact, no matter how I felt on the matter."

Sadness began to trickle from the man, Skielstregar pulling his head out of his hands and staring at Vaera in disbelief. His maw opens and shuts a couple of times, searching for words. Unti finally: "You do so much for this one, keeping this one's feelings in mind, bearing through their bad days. And yet, speak nothing of your own harbored feelings...?"

His voice cracks a bit, a spurt of rumbling within it. "... this one is always happy to see you. Dragonfather's scales, how /dense/ is this one? So wrapped up in wrangling this dammnable affliction that they don't even..." he trails off, looking down at the dirt between them.

The sadness gets her attention again, and Vaera sighs, reaching to return the hand to a shoulder. "It is, this one is happy to help you, Skielstregar, to see you doing better. And, my feelings feel like they may get in the way of that." She states, quieting in tone. "For example, your struggling over this matter. If I were to say how I felt, what would that accomplish? You would struggle again, with not wishing to get close to anyone. Whatever desires I may have would be more worries for you. And I do not wish that, Skielstregar, truly."

"You are, kind, more kind than many kin. This one does not wish to see that broken or hurt, or to hurt you. And I feel even speaking of this is hurting you."

"You are not that dense, it is more, this one did not wish to push things."

Skielstregar leans into the hand, his silver gaze idly tracing the lines he made in the dirt earlier. He is silent for a long while. Anxiety and sadness intermingling.

"This one doesn't want their friends to hurt either," he intones, frowning. "Struggles are... are meant to be overcome. Otherwise you would have not given this one a chance despite your history with others like this one. Or this one would have never gotten over going into the city."

Talons grip at the dirt. Softly. Quietly. Gently. He whispers.

"What can this one do, to not be like this anymore? Being like this is hurting their friends."

"Struggles are meant to be overcome. To be shared." Vaera nods. "It is why, this one wishes to be there for you. To help you through them as I am able."

Vaera stops, and chuffs, as she considers her words. "Skielstregar, I can not say for certain what can be done to stop being like this. But, you are not hurting your friends. I am here for you, no matter what. And, we will work through this together, as much as possible. Things are getting better, and I think they will continue to do so."

Skiel can't help but let his brows pinch, confusion coming from him. "If they are to be shared, then why do you silently suffer so? You do so much for this one. This camp, this food, your shoulder on their bad days. All of it is for this one. But what about /you/? This one provides fire, but what else can this one do for you?"

He sits up some, finally getting a hint of that familiar confidence under his wings. "Things /are/ getting better. Which is why this conversation is happening." He inhales deeply. "So tell this one, Vaera."

He leans in some, and places a hand on her shoulder. "What can this one do for you?"

Vaera does not have an answer for it, right away. She looks like she attempts to form one, stops, and she sighs. "Because this one is still, shaaa, scared, Skielstregar." She finally states, the claws on her mechanical leg poking out of her cloak curling in and out. "This one can help, but if they indulge themself, it will only lead to more heartbreak and suffering. This one is still trying to convince themself that there can be peace."

The redscale looks over with the hand on her shoulder, and she chuffs. "And this is that kindness I speak of, Skielstregar. This one, does not wish to ask much of you."

There it is. The actual heart of the matter.

And with all of it, Skielstregar comes to an epiphany. His eyes widen some.

"... we're both scared," he points out, scooting closer to her and looking to the fire. Summed up in three words. "We're... both afraid of hurting someone. Afraid of losing more again. Afraid of having to make hard choices once more."

He squeezes her shoulder, and lets his and slide down to rest in his lap. "You are the strongest person this one knows." The man inhales slowly, then turns slightly towards Vaera.

"This one... admires you. Respects you. Trusts you, even when they find other kin hard to trust. Is comfortable around you."

He reaches up to curl his fingers carefully around the symbol hanging from his neck, and he closes his eyes. "If there was anyone that this one should harbor feelings for, it should be you."

His grip tightens, and he speaks at naught a whisper. "... can you wait for this one? For them to finally wrangle this monster within them so they can have the energy to search their heart and feelings?"

Vaera chuffs, and bows her head at what he points out. "You are not wrong." the redscale sighs. "This one, this one failed badly. And, to put at risk again, it is a task that worries easily."

"I am , this one is surprised still you trust me so, given my past, what happened. But it is welcome." She continues, putting one hand over the one on his holy symbol. "But, do not feel you should. It is not a matter of obligation, or paying one back for their kindness. And, this one worries about Tawyse. They do not want their heart to be broken, after the kindness they have shown you."

The hand leaves his, and Vaera sighs. "This one can wait. They need time, themselves, too. But no matter what you find in your heart, when you can do so, I will understand."

Surprise shows in his face as a warm hand rests atop his cold one, him opening his eyes once more to look at Vaera. He stares at her for a moment, seeing the campfire reflect off her scales and eyes before his other hand comes up to encircle the one on his holy symbol. "It is because you gave this one a chance. That is why."

He shakes his head. "No, this is not of obligation. This is something that this one has failed to consider. And needs to consider it, direly."

"But with Tawyse..." a hefty sigh leaves him, and his head sags. "... this one is just as unsure about that as this. This one needs to get their affliction in check so they can know how they feel about that as well. But, no matter what this one chooses, someone's heart is going to be broken."

The hand leaves his, and he looks up to the redscale once more. "... how are you so calm about this, Vaera?" he quietly asks, folding his hands in his lap.

"If I did not know your circumstances, and how I myself looked, then this one would perhaps be offended they were not even considered. Back home, there were many who desired this one, before they were mostly skin and bones." Vaera chuckles. "You have much on your mind though, this one knows. Too much. And, yes, I expect that may be the case, but, no matter what, hearts can be mended, even my own."

The question makes Vaera pause, and chuff. "It is not that this one is calm, Skielstregar. This one is just, this one did not tell you the problem with their way of feeling. They hide their scents, yes, but it is difficult to express them, too. They are, they are certainly not calm, inside. But not sad, either, as that is the one that is out of control the most often."

Skiel can't help but laugh at that. "What do you mean, this one thinks you look well. Big like me, or skin and bones, it matters not. Your heart is well, and your scales vibrant like the setting sun."

He blinks, then rubs his neck. "Ah, sorry, that might have been a bit much."

An arm loops around Vaera, and he watches the fire. "Then... let this one help you with that, at the very least. The fire is nice, as is the company, no?"

Vaera blinks herself, and chuffs. She does lean into the arm somewhat that loops around her, and she loops her own around Skielstregar. "That was, a bit unexpected. Not unpleasant, but unexpected. I was simply saying that, since it was not a consideration."

She does turn to Skielstregar, and cants her head at the gesture. "Is it alright to sit like this, if you are still trying to sort out your feelings? It is, not that different from other times. Yet it feels different, with what has been said. I feel there is no going back fully, in a sense."

Skielstregar gives a light sigh and leans into her as well. "It would not matter. It would have come up eventually, what has been said. Is it different? Perhaps. But we are still friends."

There's a soft rumble in his chest, and he bows his head. "Going back?" he echoes, shaking his head slowly. "Vaera, there is only ever forward. This one cannot change their scales and remove the taint. You cannot push yourself as hard as you used to. And both of us have actions we deeply regret. There is only forward."

"Yes, we are still friends, no matter what. This one is, happy to make a friend out of you. For all your talking of what I have done for you, your presence has been grounding, and changed my perspective. Just as my other friends here have."

Then she chuckles, and looks to Skielstregar a moment. "I mean sitting together like this, Skielstregar. Buut, what you say too, that is more important. I have said before, but if there is no removing it, then I can live with it, if you are capable of doing so. And your scales look fine to this one."

"This one is still surprised you never noticed any of the compliments given to you, Skielstregar. They were not just being kind saying such."

Skielstregar rubs his leg, one of the few places where the scales were mostly intact. They were tarnished, flakey, missing in some spots, and overgrown in others. ".. ah. T... thank you."

He blinks. Then embarassment floods from him, the man burying his face into his free hand. "...this one really is dense..." he murmurs. "... they thought you were just being kind... goes to show how high this one's self esteem is."

"Honestly, Skielstregar. You need to have a bit more faith in yourself." Vaera chuckles, reaching to put a hand on the scales Skielstregar seemed concerned about, but only a moment. "And, confidence, it would not be unfounded. If you do, you will find many people would like to be around you."

"I was being kind, as you deserve kindness. But this one has meant what has been said, as well. You should, be happy, be able to live a life you are happy with."

Skiel smiles some, it pausing at the hand on his leg before chuckling. "This one tries, when he forgets his woes, easily enough to have their confidence back. Just this one has always been self-conscious about their appearance."

He turns to look at Vaera, the embarrassment ebbing. His smile more warm. "... but you care not for that."

The warrior's gaze unfocuses briefly, then he looks into the fire once more. Silence. Only broken by the crackling of flame.

"Shall this one tell you about the oruch tribes? They have some facinating tradition," he puts out there, leading on to just enjoying the other's presence.

"You can not forget your woes, I know this well. Forgetting them would be to dismiss them, but they matter. It is acceptance, to move past them, that is important." Vaera suggests. "If they are truly worth being concerned about."

The question and offer makes her sit up more more, and the redscale chuckles. "This one is always happy to hear about what you share, as there is always joy in your stories and explanations. And learning more about Oruch tribes could prove valuable at some point. Even if not, it is worth knowing."

Vaera settles into her cloak by the fire, to the stories being shared. It still felt different, but she could enjoy the company of her friend still.

-End Scene-